I just don’t understand why he can’t do this for me. He must see how much it matters to me. Why can’t he make this sacrifice, to make me happy? I’d do anything for him. I’ve done lots of things to make him happy. Does he not care about me anymore? Am I not that important to him? I just don’t get why he can’t be supportive of my accomplishment. And I miss him terribly. I didn’t get to see him all weekend, and now I have to wait until Sunday. All because he can’t deal with it. But he’s so important to me. I can’t force him. But I want him to be there so badly. I had all these wonderful day dreams about sitting in his arms on the lawn, watching the fireworks, walking home with him at night. It was going to be so perfect. And now I will never have that. Maybe if we were father along in our relationship he would have been able to do this. The rest of the time he’s such a good boyfriend I forget that this scares him and is new for him. I’m nervous about where our conversation is headed. I don’t want to scare him off for good. I wish he was happy here. I wish there was something I could do about that. I wish I could make things easier for him. I wish being in this relationship wasn’t hard for him. This has been the easiest relationship I’ve been in for a long time. We just seem to go so well together. Well this does give me a pretty good picture on how he’d react if I told him my exact feelings. Heh he’s such a guy sometimes. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want him to be happy. I’m not sure what to do with this information. It doesn’t seem like he wants to break up with me, which is good. And though he doesn’t like it here, I’m fairly certain he’s not leaving until he finishes at school. So we can worry more about where our relationship is going once one of us decides to move away. And I could tell he’s having problems being here, away from all his friends. I just don’t know what to do about that. At least I hope he’s not intending to end things. I think he likes being with me, it’s just hard sometimes, which I understand. If only he weren’t so scared of commitment. Makes me nervous, every time he mentions it. I’m worried that one day, it’s going to be too much for him and he’ll leave. He’s done it before, though much quicker. Not really sure how I’ve managed to capture him for so long. I want to be with him, but I’m afraid of being too clingy. I don’t think I’m supposed to be doing something with this information. I wish he was more comfortable with this so I could be a little more needy. At least right now, I could use a little more attention. Currently, I’m scared to ask though. I wish I could take dance with him. It’d be so much fun, having such a hot dance partner. And it’d allow me to keep an eye on all the other girls, eying him. I really wish he wasn’t going to gone for so much of the summer. I had been hoping we’d get to do some things together. I wish we could both take a break right now and spend a bunch of time together, reconnect. Like winter break. Things just feel a bit different, and I’m not sure why. I hope he feels a bit guilty about not coming and tries to make it up to me somehow. I just want some attention, to be reminded that he cares about me and that I do matter to him. I currently don’t really feel that. He’s making all his summer plans and doesn’t even mention me. I don’t mean that we’d be going away somewhere, but he could just suggest that we do some fun things too. Let me know he’s not forgotten about me.
