I just don’t understand how he could have changed so drastically. He acts so differently from the earlier part of our relationship. Where are the sweet texts, the excitement upon seeing me? He didn’t even come meet me at the airport this time. I feel so unimportant. I’ve been back for 24 hours, with no hope of seeing him until the weekend. Doesn’t he care? Did he not miss me at all? I’m scared of the impending conversation. I can sense that it won’t end well. That I will have to give him up. And there’s nothing I can do about it. If he doesn’t want to change for me, I can’t make him. I don’t want to lose him. I feel like I’d gotten so close this time. Finally found a guy I’m hopelessly attracted to, and now I may have to let him go. How could I ever look at him again, knowing he wasn’t mine? He has to grow up sometime. I know he doesn’t want to be a bachelor forever. He needs to learn how to be successful in a committed relationship, how to treat a girl so she’s happy with him. For more than a few months. I just don’t know if he’s going to say he’s willing to try with me. I just wanted to see him for a little bit, not to have this conversation. I did miss him. I wish I could find someone who cared about me as much as I cared about them. I always seem to be the one more invested in the relationship. Why can’t there be a balance? But there was, for those first few months. I was so thrilled. Now, I am at a loss. I don’t understand it. I don’t want to start again. We had such a connection; he said so himself. He said it’d been a long time since he felt so close to someone. Doesn’t that mean something? Isn’t that worth fighting for? We match up so wonderfully. Of all the ways for him to be a stereotypical guy, it has to be in regards to commitment. I wish he felt the way I do. I wish he could still make me feel special.
