It happened. I knew it would, couldn’t imagine how it couldn’t. But it didn’t make it any easier. Made it almost worst, watching it end and being completely unable to stop it. Unable to change his mind, to change him. I know I feel this way every time a relationship ends, but I just don’t know how I can get over him. The only problems I had with him stemmed from his inability to be in a serious relationship. If somehow that piece of the puzzle were intact, I can’t imagine being with anyone else. And a thought would cross my mind, one I’ve never had about anyone ever before: what if he’s the one? What if I spend the rest of my life with him? I could see that happening. I’ve never felt that before with anyone. We had something special. He said he felt it too. He still senses that. There just seems to be some powerful connection between us. And I don’t know how I can ignore that. A large part of me hopes that someday, he will grow up and we can try again. That he’ll come back to me. That he’ll realize we’re meant to be together. I remember when we went to his hometown, visiting his old boss, watching him play with her children. I remember wondering what it would be like to be married to him, to raise children with him. Even though he ended up not being able to be in the relationship with me, he made a very valiant attempt. I was so happy those first few months, and felt so supported and cared about. He’s such a caring person. And I loved his talkativeness, his energy, his excitement for life. I felt like he could have brought out the better parts of me. I just felt so comfortable with him. Now I’m attempting to move on, and failing. I can’t help but compare everyone to him. I long for that initial attraction, that spark we had. We got along so well, so quickly. The only awkwardness was from us trying to determine what the other thought of us. I just feel like there’s some force, pushing us together. I’ve never felt like this before. I wish he felt the same sadness I do. I wish he was more effected by this. I know I probably shouldn’t see him when he comes back, but I can’t help myself. I long to see those green eyes, his smile, to hear his voice. To try to remain in his life, to be a reminder of what he can have once he grows up. To try and wait, as patiently as possible. I’ve never wanted to wait before. I don’t want to give up hope. I want this separation to be a funny story we tell people later in life. I want to be with someone who found me so attractive, and who I felt the same about.
